Code Red

August 11, 2006:

The government today announced new easy-to-understand colour codes for terrorist alerts:

1. critical – attack imminent
2. severe – attack highly likely
3. substantial – attack strong possibility
4. moderate – attack possible but not likely
5. low – attack unlikely
6. code red – attack inevitable

Yo! Bushi

August 21, 2007:
Ex-US President George W. Bush has taken over Yo! Blair, the restaurant chain recently opened in Britain, now to be known as Yo! Bushi.

“Even though conveyor belts deliver the food to the tables,” said Bush yesterday, “Tony still takes the orders…”

Ceasefire? What Ceasefire?

January 23, 2012:
Dissociated Press has apologised following the revelation that its photo of the Middle-East ceasefire agreement was altered using Photoshop.

Can you tell the difference?

Yo! Blair

August 14, 2007:
Following his retirement from politics, ex-PM Tony Blair has opened a new chain of restaurants called Yo! Blair.

“What comes around, comes around,” said Mr Blair at the launch yesterday. “But instead of raw fish, like Yo! Sushi, I serve up half-baked ideas…”

Mr Copyright

August 15, 2020:
Following attempts by major companies to copyright everything, including the alphabet, the Copyright Office has decided to copyright the copyright sign.

From now on, anyone seeking to copyright anything will have to apply for permission to the Copyright Office for permission to apply to the Copyright Office for permission to use the copyright sign in any application to the Copyright Office. (Left: Mr Copyright, the new Copyright Ambassador) © News From The Future

Spot The Real Mao

February 22, 2008:
Win a trip for two to the Beijing Olympics by entering this week's great competition!

All you have to do is "Spot The Real Mao" and sign an agreement promising not to engage in any subversive activities during your stay in the capital city.

Plus FREE self-testing drugs kit and a special signed copy of the Great Leader's Little Black Book, including the names and addresses of some of China's best-known actresses.

Finally, when you have Spotted Mao, complete the following sentence in no less than 10,000 words: "I love the Communist Party because..."

Last week's winner: Mr Mao of Beijing.

Off Your Headlines

October 30, 2028:
Responding to concern about the continuing conflict in Iraq, Sudan, Afghanistan, the Balkans, Egypt, Pakistan, Cambodia, Nigeria, Iran, Dubai, Zimbabwe, Argentina, Laos and Lebanon, a UN spokesman said today: "The end is nigh..."

The more things change...

Today, I was looking at things I wrote five years ago for News From The Future, and was struck by how little has changed...

September 24, 2008:
Following a drugs test, former sprinter Menzies Campbell has been stripped of the leadership of the Liberal Democrat Party.

"We knew something was up when he made his big speech at the conference last week," said former leader Charles Kennedy. "Questions were asked when he finished in 9.6 seconds, compared to his previous personal best of 63 minutes, 45 seconds."

This week, Justin Gatlin became the latest high-profile athlete to fail a drugs test. Menzies Campbell has become the leader of the Liberal Democrats, although it didn't take a genius to predict that in 2001.

Add these two facts together and bingo - the news from the future I wrote in the past is the news of today.






Even worse, I found the following:

October 7, 2029:
As The War Against Terrorism (TWAT) entered its 29th year...

Some people thought at the time that this was a criticism of the "invasion" of Afghanistan, but I simply feared that the "war against terror" would never be won...

Silly me!